Sleep is the answer

Sissy once had an accident at our local Home Depot.  She was running towards her Dad, who was pushing the shopping cart.  We all thought she knew it was directly in front of her and expected her to stop.  But I think something caught her eye and the next thing we knew- whack!  She smacked right into the cart.  At first our impulse was to laugh, because this was a "typical" accident of her- at least it appeared like it.  But when she was completely silent we knew she was sucking in all the air she could for the screaming that was to come from her poor mouth.  Hubby grabbed her and went straight for the bathroom.  I knew she hit her mouth, I knew there was blood.  When Brother and I caught up to him, his shirt was covered in blood and so was her face.  I looked in her mouth- her front teeth had been pushed back.  I tried to pull one back, and Sissy gave such a painful shudder that I immediately let go.   We cleaned her up- declined the offer to submit an accident report to Home Depot- mainly because it wasn't their fault.

We took her to the ER and waited.  And waited.  And waited some more.  By the time we got her in to see a doc, she had fallen asleep.  So in his very bad bedside manner way- the doc says we need to get her to a dentist.  And he tells us it "must not be that painful since she fell asleep." 

I should have cussed him for being an a-hole told him that I was worried that she may have had other injuries to her face or jaw.  I should have told him he is an idiot.  Sleep is a natural defense when we are in pain (at least for some people).  Not to mention we had waited a good long while AND it was her bedtime.


That was almost 5 years ago.  I thought of that story because right now all I want to do is sleep.  I realized a couple of years ago that sleep is a coping mechanism of mine.  The first time Hubby deployed, we had only been married for 6 months.  We had just moved to NAS Whidbey Island earlier that summer (where I knew no one).  AND my best friend had been killed in a car accident the month prior.  I dropped him off at the terminal early in the morning.  After that I drove home and slept.  I was supposed to go to work that morning, but I slept in and went in late.  I have felt the urge to sleep whenevr Hubby deploys, or when something sad has happened- such as when my father passed away- I took the kids to my neighbor so I could handle some details.  I made flight arrangements, and then took a long nap.

Today all I wanted to do is sleep.  I had to fight the urge and make myself get up and get things done.  Realizing the urge to sleep- it became clear to me that Hubby's deployment is affecting me more than I realized.  This is deployment #5 for us.  That does not include all of the detachments, training, what have you. 

It is a natural reaction to want to just hole myself up- not see the world for a while.  But I did that when we got here after a stressful move, I don't want to do that again.  I am going to fight the urge for now.  I am looking on the bright side- we have already been together longer this year than we were all of last year (we were together 3 out of 12 months.) 

Last year was bad.  When we dropped him at the airport for his flight to Japan, the kids cried like I have never heard them cry before.  It was the most heartbreaking sound I have ever heard.  I did not let myself cry then.  But that night, I woke up around midnight and started to sob. 

Yesterday was the longest day ever.  Someone described it as a band aid that just needed to be pulled off- I agreed.  We tried to drag out the last moments together- but those moments were stressfull and too rigid- trying to anticipate the loss.  Finally last night we dropped off Hubby and said goodbye (see you later).  He was crying, he didn't want to leave us.  Brother and I didn't cry.  But when we drove away, Sissy started to bawl.  I hated to hear it.  My stomach was just a big ball of hurt.  I was worried, and I think holding in the tears wasn't helping.  Luckily, both of the kids fell asleep easily last night- I was afraid they would be up all night with bad dreams or just worrying about Daddy being gone.  But they slept soundly, thank goodness.

I think sleep is a comfort to them as well.