Monday, June 14, 2010

Sad Dreary Day

My sweetie got to come home last week for a short visit.  While I am on the fence about the ship pulling in and out and the many hello's and goodbye's, I am very grateful for the sweet short time we had together.  Last year I was still stateside when they pulled in for graduation, so I didn't get to see him then.
So he came home on Wednesday and left last night.  We made the most of our 5 days and spent our time together as a family.  

Friday Hubby was able to go to Sissy's class for her end of the year presentation.  She was so excited and happy to have her Daddy come to her class.  That little girl is so full of hope and enthusiasm, I hope she doesn't let anyone or anything break down that beautiful spirit.  Afterwards Hubby took me golfing for the first time.  Did I mention I have taken up golf?  I had THE best time (except for one or two frustrating moments).  Hubby enjoyed it too.  He even bragged to everyone how well I did- I surprised him.  I wish I had started playing before now.  I can see now this will be our "thing" we do together- especially when our kids are grown and out of the house.

That night we took the kids bowling and the next day swimming was on the agenda.  It truly felt like a vacation.

Yesterday was a sad day of course, we were anticipating the separation.   The last time he left- I knew it was probably only for a few weeks- so I wasn't too upset.  This time.. well, this time it will be a long time.  Does anyone ever get used to it?  This is our 5th deployment (not counting all the dets to here and there, I couldn't even count that.)  So I figure by now we have spent about 3 years total apart, if not more.  While I am independent and can take care of myself and the children while acting as a single mother- there is still a void in the house.  It is almost as if his not being here creates a negative presence.  I always think that when I look at his side of the bed and think "he was just here, how can the bed feel so empty so quickly?"  My heart is aching.  As always, I feel bad because I DO enjoy my independence.  But I think that is my coping tool.  We can't be miserable the whole time- it's not healthy and it's not productive.

Today is grey and rainy.  That seems fitting.  It matches our mood here.  I need to make a plan for our summer, give us something to look forward to. 

But in the mean time I will wallow in a little self-pity, get it out of my system.


  1. Negative presence. That's such a good way of putting it.

    "Enjoy" your gloomy day and spirit. I do think that acknowledging the sadness up front helps a person move on to handling the rest of the deployment as positively as possible.

    Thinking of you. And: fore! Imagine how much better a golfer you'll be by the time your sweetie gets back!

  2. Thank you Bette! It does help to have a goal or two (besides the usual weight loss goal, lol.) I am letting the kids enjoy their last days of school (they have two days left)- they are "chore-free" until Monday. We all need a little time off, right?


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