A few weeks ago I posted about a Grief Recovery class that I learned about. True to my word, I signed up- and today was my third session/class. I have to say that I have already started to change my way of thinking about many things. I think the big lesson learned today was that we should not compare our losses. While I did believe that everything is relative, I was still comparing my losses, my troubles, my- whathaveyou. No two losses are the same, even in similar circumstances. For example, the pain of a woman's loss of her child is not the same as another woman's loss her own child. We should never say to another "I know how you feel". Why? Because we don't! It is well meant most of the time- thinking it will help the person to not feel alone in their pain. But really when I think about it- someone telling me they know how I feel is not altogether true. And really- it doesn't help one bit. Basically it's a way for someone to change the subject.
That goes for deployments too! I may have been through a few deployments, but honestly I don't know what it is like for another wife. Everyone's situation is unique. Maybe another wife (or husband) might have troubles back home, their child is acting up, or that spouse cannot sleep a wink and cannot function enough to do the basic things needed. Just because a wife is new to deployment- it doesn't mean that her pain is less than mine because I have "been through more."
I have been SO bad about comparing my loss, pain, whathaveyou. I realize now that I have expected other people to put up or shut up- all because they were new or young or inexperienced. I didn't feel they should be whining or complaining. After all- that is the military life- get used to it. But that isn't the way I should act or feel. Everyone's pain is relevant, and it is personal. The best thing I can do is listen.
I am so grateful for this class. I think I was really beginning to become an old jaded Navy wife.
That is definitely NOT a good thing!
On a side note- I realize I have not posted pictures or blogged about Japan very much lately- I promise the next post will have a little of both!