We took her to the ER and waited. And waited. And waited some more. By the time we got her in to see a doc, she had fallen asleep. So in his very bad bedside manner way- the doc says we need to get her to a dentist. And he tells us it "must not be that painful since she fell asleep."
I should have
That was almost 5 years ago. I thought of that story because right now all I want to do is sleep. I realized a couple of years ago that sleep is a coping mechanism of mine. The first time Hubby deployed, we had only been married for 6 months. We had just moved to NAS Whidbey Island earlier that summer (where I knew no one). AND my best friend had been killed in a car accident the month prior. I dropped him off at the terminal early in the morning. After that I drove home and slept. I was supposed to go to work that morning, but I slept in and went in late. I have felt the urge to sleep whenevr Hubby deploys, or when something sad has happened- such as when my father passed away- I took the kids to my neighbor so I could handle some details. I made flight arrangements, and then took a long nap.
Today all I wanted to do is sleep. I had to fight the urge and make myself get up and get things done. Realizing the urge to sleep- it became clear to me that Hubby's deployment is affecting me more than I realized. This is deployment #5 for us. That does not include all of the detachments, training, what have you.
It is a natural reaction to want to just hole myself up- not see the world for a while. But I did that when we got here after a stressful move, I don't want to do that again. I am going to fight the urge for now. I am looking on the bright side- we have already been together longer this year than we were all of last year (we were together 3 out of 12 months.)
Last year was bad. When we dropped him at the airport for his flight to Japan, the kids cried like I have never heard them cry before. It was the most heartbreaking sound I have ever heard. I did not let myself cry then. But that night, I woke up around midnight and started to sob.
Yesterday was the longest day ever. Someone described it as a band aid that just needed to be pulled off- I agreed. We tried to drag out the last moments together- but those moments were stressfull and too rigid- trying to anticipate the loss. Finally last night we dropped off Hubby and said goodbye (see you later). He was crying, he didn't want to leave us. Brother and I didn't cry. But when we drove away, Sissy started to bawl. I hated to hear it. My stomach was just a big ball of hurt. I was worried, and I think holding in the tears wasn't helping. Luckily, both of the kids fell asleep easily last night- I was afraid they would be up all night with bad dreams or just worrying about Daddy being gone. But they slept soundly, thank goodness.
I think sleep is a comfort to them as well.