Sunday, October 11, 2009

Regrets and Promises

Do you ever have those thoughts that stick around the back of your mind that just give that sinking feeling- the "why did I do that?" or "why didn't I do that?"  Maybe everyone does- every once in a while I feel plagued by those thoughts.  My big regret right now is Brother's teeth.  We had him get braces to correct his underbite- but we had to do it quickly since we were moving to Japan.  The orthodontist convinced me that they would not be able to treat him here- since the Navy is understaffed in the way of orthodontics.  I think I just threw away $800 (my half of the cost of his braces.)  The braces were removed just before we flew out here- literally the day before (I wrote about this previously.)  His underbite had not been corrected- but there was an improvement and his front teeth looked beautiful and straight.

Brother just before getting his braces.

Here is the problem- he is 10 years old.  A 10 year old that has to be reminded to wear his retainer, a 10 year old that kept forgetting to wear his retainer.  It got to the point that the retainer did not fit correctly in his mouth- I could see that his front teeth were spreading out again.  Last week he came hom from school and showed me his retainer- it was in two pieces.  It was in his backpack and someone stepped on it at school.
What could I say?  We obviously can't fly back to the states to get a new retainer.  I keep thinking there has to be a solution here- but I think it will involve getting the braces back on.  We'll see if I am successful or not.
I know I can't be there at school with my son to be sure he puts his retainer in the plastic case to keep it from getting broken while he's eating lunch.  But I still feel responsible.  I did not make sure he had his retainer in every night.  Some nights I tucked him in and knew his retainer was downstairs in the kitchen- but we were both too tired to get it.

After braces- before the retainer broke. (In the train station in Shinjuku)

I kept saying to myself the reason I was tired all the time was because the move and this crazy year had worn me completely out.  That is true to a point.  It has been one hell of a year.  But...  Truth is I wasn't taking care of myself and haven't done so in a very long time.  I have an underactive thyroid that I take Synthroid for.  These past months I have not been consistent in taking it like I should.  I even let the prescription run out.  I convinced myself that it wasn't that important.  I can miss a dose and not feel the effects immediately.  It is more of a gradual process.  Eventually I lost all motivation and felt utterly exhausted- even with a good night's sleep.  Everything was feeling like a huge effort, my hair was looking terrible and I was gaining weight.  All signs of low levels of thryoid. 
I finally saw the doctor here.  He wrote me a new 'scrip.  5 days later I feel so much better!  I have energy again and feel motivated once again. 
I deserve a big slap upside my forehead- a "you coulda had a V-8" kind of slap. 
I don't know if I really could have avoided Brother's mishap with his retainer- but I do know I could have been more vigilant about making him wear it every night.  This is really going to bother me for a while.  His teeth almost look like they did before the braces- it makes me feel sick to my stomach.  I hope to find a solution soon.
The moral of the story- we have to take care of ourselves- otherwise we can't properly take care of others.  I have made a promise to myself to make sure to take my meds like I should, exercise every day (even if its just walking), and to make good choices when I eat.  I deserve to take care of myself- and my children deserve that I take good care of them.  This especially important now that I am playing single mom again.

PS- I changed the name of my blog to Living overseas as opposed to moving overseas- I am trying to put the "moving" part behind me!

1 comment:

  1. I'm happy that you're on the right path, but concerned that you are feeling so guilty. Put it behind you and only focus on what you can do now. I am constantly feeling badly for not working harder with the twins. Maybe the biggest lesson is to take our own advice. ;) Keep writing!


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